TADIOTO

From: “Yahoo! Alerts” Date: 6/13/07 3:48 pm Yahoo! Alerts Yahoo! Wednesday, June 13, 2007 12:46 PM PDT  
Sean Penn may star in Stone’s My Lai massacre movie ANI via Yahoo! India News: Oscar winner Sean Penn may star in a movie about the notorious My Lai massacre during the Vietnam War, if reports are to be believed. Oliver Stone will direct the movie, which has been entitled ‘Pinkville’. The My Lai Massacre took place on March 16, 1968, when hundreds of unarmed Vietnamese civilians, mostly women and children, were killed by US soldiers…  

Dear Mr. Oliver Stone,
I am writing to let you know of my availability: I can play one of them dead people, which you will need in your upcoming movie, Pinkville. 
I am dying to play a dead person. Only make sure I am really dead, please. 
As you know, Viet Nam is a hot country (I don’t mean “HOT” as in GREAT place for tourism or investment, though it is that as well.) It’s just that it’s usually 95 degrees here, and in this heat, I don’t think I really want to stretch myself across a country road with a pile of people next to me, without air conditioning, or an umbrella. It makes it hard to breathe when I know you will do many, many takes, over and over again, with hot spotlights, loud noises, and loud music by Kitaro. 
Otherwise, I would love to have a chance to be in one your movies, even as an extra playing a dead person.
I have seen Mr. Sean Penn kill some people on film, and he is quite good. (I also suggest Mel Gibson and Tom Hanks. They both have some prior experience with this Viet Nam to Hollywood stuff.)
It would be an honor to be in your movie, Pinkville: no one plays dead better than the Vietnamese. We’ve had a lot of experience at this. Thank you for your kind considerations. 
Rather than your usual head shot, I am including here a full-body shot. You can make me out on the far end in black pants.     

If you are at all interested, please have your people call my people. 
With warmest wishes, 

Dead Duc
(I just selected this screen name for myself, in the fervent hope of being selected by you. Thank you. Also, I like it that you’re calling it Pinkville. Red’s too red, obviously, and calling it My Lai may confuse people. Your Lie would also confuse people.)